Journal Entry

Warning: This is a journal entry post. It is not meant to be depressing, although it probably is.

This third surgery has kicked my trash. I am usually up and walking and starting to ween off of my back brace. I am usually sneaking in chores by now. I am usually sleeping pretty good by now. Not this time. And, it's frustrating. And, I am crying. And, so is everyone who I am a burden to. And, then I realize that at least I have people in my life who are here for me. And, then I realize that I will survive this, and so will my family and that I am blessed. Really, really blessed.

Last night, Emily loaded me and the wheelchair up and we went to Children's Place. I got my girls a dress and Shelbi a swimsuit. I got Jackson some shorts and shirts. It was wonderful. Hard for Emily, I'm sure to make sure that I was always okay, but she did it and she made me feel special. Today, my mom packed up a barbeque and brought it over and made an awesome dinner. I keep waking up to fresh flowers next to my bed and on my kitchen table from co-workers and my stepmom. My house is clean and our laundry is done; the kids are taken care of; the dog is taken care of; because I have a husband who stays up until 2 in the morning to make sure it's done for us, then goes to work all day to support us. I have neighbors who smile at me, bring dinner, drop off treats, leave notes and let me kids play at their house. I have brothers who call and tell me that they love me. And, I have a mother-in-law who lets me cry to her and tell her how stupid I feel, and she always has a way of calming me down and helping me know what to do next.

Jackson, Shelbi, Braxton, Kaydon, Colton and Makenna: Heavenly Father loves us. He knows us. He hears us. He is with us always, even when we don't think we need Him. He knows better. Mommy loves you. I know this is true.