Dear Kaydon

Dear Kaydon,

This morning Mommy dropped you off at school with your brothers, thinking you would have another successful day. You held up your little hand in the I love you sign, like we always do when I drop you guys off. You seemed happy. Then I drove down the drive toward the busy road to head off to Grandma and Grandpa's to drop off sisters. I got to work and had lots on my desk to accomplish in a short time. I thought about you and your brothers and sisters everytime I looked at my screensaver and every time I looked down at my desk. I have pictures of you there to remind me of the reason I work everyday. I smile when I look at those pictures.
As I was leaving work, after a very long and trying day, I got a phone call. It was from your principal. It wasn't good. I heard her tell me that you were in her office, and would stay there until you could calm down. You had lost it, KayKay. You yelled at two teachers, then the principal. You wanted me. You wanted your Mommy. But, I told the principal, through tears, that I shouldn't talk to you because that would make you think it was okay to act that way. Instead, I would go pick up your siblings and then head right to the school.
When I got there, you were with your teacher. I sat down and talked to you. You were so sad. You just cried and cried. Kaydon, it was a bad day. I wanted to take away all of your sadness, all of your anger, all of your fears. I heard you tell me that you are sick of being stupid, and sick of not having friends. I wanted to take all of that away from you. You told me that you just wanted to go home, and never, ever have to go back to school, ever. I told you that wasn't an option. I told you that you had to go to school, but that you did have a choice how you felt, and how you acted. I told you that you could choose to be happy. I told you I would help you.
Kaydon, I love you so much more than words can express. You and I have spent many a night together, alone, with machines all around. I have held you and tried so hard to protect you from all of the things of the world. I have tried so hard to make you better. This time, I can't Kay Kay. I can't make it all better. You will have to be the one to try to do that. But, I will stand right beside you and help you all I can. I will hug you and kiss you and squeeze your bum. I will help you to read and help you to write. I will listen to you, if you will talk to me.
Things will be OK, Kaydon. They will. I promise.
Love,
Mommy